Olympic Champions

Let me just start off by saying that I LOVE the Olympics. It's the only time when I feel patriotic and want my players to kick the butts of the other ones. Then again, I realize the terrible truth that we're all ethnocentric assholes, but I don't care. I'll root for team America any day. And actually, in the winter Olympics, we're the underdogs, so I don't feel bad for cheering blindly.
However, there are some things I'd like to address.

Apollo Ono, you have let fame go to your head, and for the past two winter Olympics, you have been a disappointment. You're not even that cute.

Shawn White, way 2 go, dude. Right on. But dude, what was up with Bob Costas asking you about getting more babes after winning gold? That was shady. You should have punched him out or whacked him with your medal.

Michelle Kwan, I have cheered for you from the beginning. Tara, Sarah. They are nothing. I know a guy who met Tara Lipinski on the ice after she retired and said she was a bitch. You had true grace, and I'm so sad that you're leaving. I wanted to see you beat all those little girls and show them that it's never too late to win. But that won't be happening, will it? That's a shame. You probably could have done it. And another thing, you, at least, would truly appreciate the medal. Kids burn out so quickly in that sport, but you have remained. Hell, you're only 25 and you're considered old. There's something terribly wrong with that, but I guess that's how things work in the sports world.

Despite all the pro-American ads on the TV, I still love watching the games because there is nothing more exciting than watching the top athletes of the world performing their best, including curling.