You know your relationship status has changed when your gay boyfriend, husband, whatever moves out, and you can't help but feel cheap and used.
Alex, my long time gay lover and companion is moving out. I'm mad at him for doing this, even though his reasons are completely reasonable and he has no intention to hurt me. It's not really my place to say what's going on in Alex's life, but I just wish things could have happened differently. I wish things didn't have to happen so soon. I wish I weren't mad at him and could enjoy the time we still have together. I think Alex knows I'm mad at him because he hardly comes out of his room (a new phenomenon that's been happening since last summer).
Not only am I mad, but resentful too. A few days ago I was cursing about him for not getting his shit packed up so the new guy can move in. Part of me can't wait until he's gone to spare me from the awkwardness. Part of me doesn't want the 14th of this month to come so I don't have to say goodbye to him, and say, "See you around," and not really know when I'll see him again, or if I'll even to see him.
A new guy moves in on the 15th. He's nice, responsible, and makes a lot of money. But he won't be my Alex. He won't stay up with me until 4 a.m. watching Queer as Folk and then decide to go jogging on the Lake Shore path just because we can. We won't burn shit in the fire place or play Boggle, and he certainly can't make grape leaves.
I know it's not really breaking up, but it is. We're going our separate ways. Other friends who I've told this story to tell me to not take it personally, but I am. Even though I knew Alex would move out someday, part of me really did want our arrangement to last forever. But like a lot of relationships, we've grown apart the last year or so, and now he's moving on to something else. Eventually, I'll be happy for him and see his new place and hang out more than we did while living together...Eventually.
We'll see what happens on the 14th.